Things you should know so that you won't get beat up by a pregnant lady

       Oh pregnancy, one of the most joyous and emotional times in a woman's life. This time is filled with excitement for the new edition to the family and fear of how to care for that new edition. Hormones run rampat in and trough us and our bodies change at unbelivable rates. We go from being normal human beings to an efficiency apartment in a matter of a few months. All of these changes bring on all sorts of attention. Attention we want, attention we don't want, attention we wouldn't get other wise, but attention notheless.
So, I took it upon myself to help all of you non-preggo people that may not understand what's acceptable in the world of maternity.
        First rule of pregnancy etiquette is to establish rather or not a woman is actually pregnant. Just because you see a pudge, doesn't mean that women is pregnant. Saying "congratulations" to a woman who isn't pregnant can be one of the biggest social mistakes you will ever make in you life; especially if it's said to a non- pregnant me! Second rule of pregnancy is before you tell a pregnant woman "wow you look like any day now!", make sure she's at least out of her first trimester. I got this a lot with my last pregnancy, and I figure I'll get the same this go round. No one wants to be reminded that they look like the Goodyear Blimp every time they step out the front door. Thirdly, asking a pregnant woman her birth plan isn't bad, it's when you decide to put your 2 cents in about it. A lot of women don't see the need to go through "needless" pain, so they opt for pain relief or c-section or whatever they feel necessary. Also, if you are a man, please don't say "well my wife was able to push, why can't you?" DON'T, I repeat, DON'T do that! First of all no two pregnancies are the same for the same woman; so, no two women are going to have the same birth experience. I had some guy tell me that one time, and he almost lost his life! Nobody wants to hear that EVER! Fourth thing to note is that some wives' tales are not flattering to the pregnant women. For instance, I had someone tell me, "oh, you must be having a girl because the baby is stealing all of your beauty." My reply was, "yeah are you pregnant with a girl too because you're ugly as hell!" She wasn't pregnant. Needless to say, that person took offense to my statment, but took no thought into was she had said to me.
        Last, but certainly not least, STOP TOUCHING MY BELLY! You wouldn't touch me otherwise, and it's just plain creepy. I was in the store one day and this old lady came up to me touched my belly and said, "my you're going to pop!". Now, because she was old I did humor her. In my mind I thought "oh yeah, I'm about to pop you, you old bitty!" But I didn't, I just smiled and continued with my shopping.
        Like I said in the beginning, pregnancy brings on a lot of changes to a woman. It makes us moody, weepy, hungry, nauseous, and sometimes downright crazy. So, we don't need any extra help to make us feel any worse about ourselves. When you see a pregnant woman be kind and courteous. Hold the door open for her or ask if she needs help with her bags. Give up your seat on the bus or subway. And above all, think before you speak. If you can't think of anything nice to say, then don't say anything. This is just my opinion on different instances that I have encountered, and how I wished they were handled. So, until next week, be kind and kindness will find you.