Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Dear Fill-in-the-blank (A letter to everyone about my challeges of Motherhood)

Dear friends,

   I know you invited me to your party, hang out, performance weeks ago. The assembling of the best and the bravest to keep my three kids proved to be too daunting of a task, so I didn't go.

Dear Stand-up comedy,

   As much as I thoroughly enjoy making others laugh at my expense, the turnaround time is way too tight. I can't recover from the one beer and contact high in good time to function as a mediocre mom by 5:45am.

Dear Well meaning women in my family,

   Faking the funk and fronting like I have it all together isn't something I have time or energy for. I am quite exhausted. And if I come to you venting, please don't respond with how many kids someone else has. I give zero forks about anyone else. Also, I don't care very much about my wardrobe, as I will at some point in the day be thrown up on.

Dear "Mommy" group on FB,

   Confession: I don't like my post baby body. As a matter of fact, I HATE it. The more I said out loud "My body is amazing! It gave birth to 3 beautiful girls in 4 years. I am a warrior." The more I began to resent myself because I was lying to myself (not about the 3 beautiful girls part). I have lost almost 60 lbs since the baby, but my belly is still there. The stretch marks are patterned all over by back, hips, pelvic area, and hips. And I have enough extra skin to fashion a purse. I used to feel guity that I didn't live my post partum body, but I realized I didn't have the mental capacity for it.

Dear Society,

   You know, most women don't just snap back into shape three weeks after a baby. Hell, three years after most of us are fighting hard to no look pregnant. I think your added pressure contributes to women suffering from post partum depression. Stop it!

Dear My Sweet Babies,

   Mommy is sorry that sometimes I don't seem happy. I'm just tired. And when you ask me if I'm okay and I say yes; I'm lying. I'm more than likely on the verge of tears, which I think you know. But do know this, I love you very much. I just don't get time to rebuild myself in order to better handle your insanity. I don't get a chance to miss you.

Lastly....... Dear former Supervisor,

   I have harbored these thoughrs and feelings for some time. I think my overall feeling of yuckiness is directly related to holding in how I felt. So, here goes....
You sir are a decomposing POS. You are a little man, with little intelligence and you have no clue as to the navigation of life. In other words; you suck at life. You gave me  a tough time just as I had come back to work. You're a gross human being.

In conclusion, I'm absolutely doing my best I can to stay afloat. And to other moms out there, rest before you burnout. Be kind and kindness will find you

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