This one is for the guys. This is for the guys who are married with kids. Hey fellas, look at your wife. Is she the same eye catching beauty she was when you guys first met? Wait! Think before you answer. Is your wife the same person she was when you guys first stared dating? Wait! Think about it! Do you still secretly undress you women with your eyes when she's not looking? Do you find her as irresistible as you did when you first got married? How's the sex? Her moods? Her conversations? I bet you're wondering where this is going. Well, let me bring you to where we ladies are.
Being as that I'm married with kids, I have heard my husband say things about the changes I have been through because of having children. I have heard him talk to his buddies who aren't married about how much it changes once you do get married. And if I were one of his buddies, I would vow to never get married! I have also had conversations with my unmarried guy friends about marriage, and I get the same negativity. So, what's the big shift from dating to marriage all about?
First let's talk about life. When my husband and I started dating I was still in college. We were dating long distance and we didn't see each other very often. Whenever we did see each other it was like Christmas! When we first got married sex was often and super great. But after three years of marriage everything changed. I got pregnant. We had a baby. My mind, body and soul went through some pretty significant changes. Now, two babies later our relationship is not the same. How could it be?! We went from the two of us to the four of us within five years of marriage. Sex after children is going to be different. Your wife's body is not the same. The way she sees herself is not the same. And her energy level is most definitely not the same. Plus, spontaneity is about 85% impossible.
I want you guys to think back to dating and honeymoon and remember the atmosphere of the relationship. For me, I remember it as being so easy and free. We could talk about whatever we wanted. We made love whenever we wanted. We went to bars and restaurants without thinking about it. So, the reoccurring comment of "once you get married the sex stops." is a complete misnomer. It should be "once you get married and put two lives together to make one, life happens". Work, family, money issues and just the everyday stresses of being on this earth will affect each other differently. When it's just the two of you, all you really have to focus on is the two of you. You're not stretched between a million different things at once. You call your wife just to tell her you think she's beautiful. You smack her butt when she's cooking. You kiss her forehead just because. Now since the kids, the phone conversations are," what did you feed the baby, her poop smells like sin!". Or my favorite, "what's for diner?"
Yes, it all changes! But remember the things you guys used to do with each other before you had babies. My husband and I have made it a point to focus on "Us" first THEN the kids. Gasp! Did she just say focus on the relationship first?! Yes! If the two of you aren't happy, neither will anyone else in the home be.Though we are married with kids, we still have fun. It just takes a bit of planning to have that fun. Yes, we still have sex, it may not be as often, but it's still great. So, in closing fellas, remember why you married your wife, and the things you did to get her to be your wife. Take her on dates, tell her she's beautiful. Cook diner for her (if and only if you can actually cook). Drop the kids off by Nana and Papa and have a good time with each other. So, have as much sex as you want. It will make you kinder! Until next time, be kind and kindness will find you!